Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
