just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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