wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
