You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
