I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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