There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
