Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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