I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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