she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we're making bets on your personal life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
