You can't special order awesome
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
