Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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