Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
