Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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