I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
