At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
