lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
