ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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