I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
