with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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