How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
