You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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