are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
