you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
