i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
