I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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