i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
