So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
