i dont even know how to be here
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
