Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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