so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
