This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
