you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
