it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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