he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
