Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
