I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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