my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
