i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
