Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
