Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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