Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
