Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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