I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
