My nipple is on Facebook.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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