I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
