does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
