And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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