can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
