it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
