Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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