I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
