I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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