It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
