SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
