its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
