Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize