dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
