census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
