I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
