Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
