In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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