I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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