guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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