She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
