Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
