this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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