Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sarcasm needs its own font
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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