We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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