You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
