Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
