I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize