the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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