Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
