did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
