I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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