Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
