i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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