I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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