you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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