Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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