I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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